When the heart weighs heavy..

Updated: Oct 1, 2019

Here's the big elephant in the room, no I am not perfectly mindful, nor I pretend to be. @MindfulMaia represents a journey. A journey to mindfulness, to which along the way there are tribulations and trials which I have often failed, but nonetheless continue to persevere.


Mindfulness has been my only successful therapy to my struggle for power, anger and spite. My personal relationship with spirituality has evolved my life into a more positive loving perspective. Spirituality opened up a world of nature, unconditional love, acceptance, and divinity to which I was oblivious to in my teens.


When I awakened to this new perspective in 2014, I knew that this was something I wanted to experience for the rest of my life, but I didn't know how just yet. In truth, it hasn't been the easiest to face myself in the toughest of moments. I often carry triggers that I sit and overanalyze and overthink on for months. I fail miserably at being mindful on a regular basis and although people would laugh to my face about this 'fake profile' of mine, I continue to persevere my #mindful #journey. Not because I ever wanted to be idolized by anyone, but because deep within me I love the feeling of inner #PEACE.




It has been a long slow journey to which I am tested regularly through my inner traumas. Moving back home has also sparked up some traumas because it is here where they were created and absorbed by me. I sometimes feel this overwhelming #emotion where I have or might have hurt others in some kind of way and it is honestly TOO MUCH, so much that I have tried to suppress it or ignore it or move on. It is a guilt trip that usually holds me down and weighs heavy on my heart. I don't think I have ever done any malice on purpose, instead had other priorities in which might have hurt others along the way.

A friend of mine once said to me that we tend to feel these things to teach ourselves what not to do moving forward, to learn from the feelings. And that we have to listen to these feelings with #care and #meditation. Because when we surrender to the feeling and understand it, accept it and forgive it > when the situation arises again we have a better #opportunity to do better. When we forgive ourselves fully, the world in return has a much better chance of forgiving us and giving us new opportunities to show ourselves worthy of love and light.

If we choose ignorance over these feelings, we tend to fail over and over and over again.


I forgive myself and proudly carry this feeling with me now, for as long as I need to in order to understand and LEARN what I am meant to learn. I proudly carry this feeling until I am given a new opportunity to prove that I am worthy of transcending it. I proudly carry my scars so that I don't SCAR anyone anymore. I proudly carry my pain so that I don't HURT others anymore. I proudly wear my love, so that I can LOVE everyone on my path from here on.


I accept me. I forgive me. I love me. I understand me.

I am a reflection of me. I am a reflection of you.


I know I am capable of love. I know I am worthy of love.

I am worthy of #forgiveness and capable of forgiving.

I am worthy of nurture and capable of nurturing.


I know this because of #Spirituality and #Mindfulness.


Mindful Maia is truly about the daily spiritual struggle/journey of this reality, not the end result. I know I am not alone, and neither are you. We're in this together. Thank you for joining me and for your unconditional support.


When the heart weighs heavy, wear it with an honest smile and a loving vibe.


Love & Light.

K

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